"People we normally cannot stand might be better appreciated if we were only around them in a different time or place."
I agree that this is true—probably the best antidote for not liking someone is to spend more time with them in different situations, especially on their turf, either doing things they like or seeing what sorts of challenges they deal with, and how.
On the other hand, there are a handful of people that I disliked as soon as I met them, and then was later around them in lots of different kinds of situations, and still neither liked them nor appreciated them. Sometimes when you know, you know.
True, but again, it's not that you realized you misjudged them--it's that their very negative qualities can be, in certain situations, beneficial. Elinor, and the narrator, still think very little of Lady Middleton. What changes is what Elinor needs in a certain moment--sometimes, having a jerk around might just be advantageous.
Not necessarily. I don't think the novel is suggesting that you do have to come to appreciate other people, and it's definitely not saying you have to think everyone is great in their own way--that's Sir John's undiscriminating approach, and it's ridiculed throughout.
It's not just the circumstances that have changed but also Elinor's self-interest. Previously, Lady Middleton's dullness and politeness was a reason to be frustrated with her--but now, those very qualities are beneficial. I don't think the novel is making any demands on how we feel about people--it's just acknowledging that our relationships with others are often based on our self-interest, on what good they can do for us, and for that reason, our objective judgments about whether they are good people or not might be less meaningful than how their qualities, good or bad, harmonize with our preferences in any particular moment.
There's another moment in the novel where Lucy Steele works on baskets she promised to Lady Middleton's spoiled daughter, and Elinor, who has wanted to hear more about Lucy's engagement with Eddward, offers to help her: "the two fair rivals were thus seated side by side at the same table, and, with the utmost harmony, engaged in forwarding the same work." Their working on the baskets is a metaphor for their conversation: both of them, out of self-interest, are trying to get information from the other. Neither likes the other--on the contrary--but when their interests align, poof! You get harmony.
"People we normally cannot stand might be better appreciated if we were only around them in a different time or place."
I agree that this is true—probably the best antidote for not liking someone is to spend more time with them in different situations, especially on their turf, either doing things they like or seeing what sorts of challenges they deal with, and how.
On the other hand, there are a handful of people that I disliked as soon as I met them, and then was later around them in lots of different kinds of situations, and still neither liked them nor appreciated them. Sometimes when you know, you know.
True, but again, it's not that you realized you misjudged them--it's that their very negative qualities can be, in certain situations, beneficial. Elinor, and the narrator, still think very little of Lady Middleton. What changes is what Elinor needs in a certain moment--sometimes, having a jerk around might just be advantageous.
It sounds like you’re telling me that I have to spend even MORE time around those people in order to discover when they might be useful for something.
Not necessarily. I don't think the novel is suggesting that you do have to come to appreciate other people, and it's definitely not saying you have to think everyone is great in their own way--that's Sir John's undiscriminating approach, and it's ridiculed throughout.
It's not just the circumstances that have changed but also Elinor's self-interest. Previously, Lady Middleton's dullness and politeness was a reason to be frustrated with her--but now, those very qualities are beneficial. I don't think the novel is making any demands on how we feel about people--it's just acknowledging that our relationships with others are often based on our self-interest, on what good they can do for us, and for that reason, our objective judgments about whether they are good people or not might be less meaningful than how their qualities, good or bad, harmonize with our preferences in any particular moment.
There's another moment in the novel where Lucy Steele works on baskets she promised to Lady Middleton's spoiled daughter, and Elinor, who has wanted to hear more about Lucy's engagement with Eddward, offers to help her: "the two fair rivals were thus seated side by side at the same table, and, with the utmost harmony, engaged in forwarding the same work." Their working on the baskets is a metaphor for their conversation: both of them, out of self-interest, are trying to get information from the other. Neither likes the other--on the contrary--but when their interests align, poof! You get harmony.